So I haven't really said much about my new job. So far it certainly feels like a whirlwind. First of all, I really do enjoy what I do. I can't say that I love it yet. But I am sure I will someday. Everyday it gets better and better.
Before I started working I understood some of what I was going to do-I knew it would be challenging and very hard. But I don't think I could ever anticipate how much responsibility I feel every time I step into the hospital; Sometimes I think I literally I can feel a pound of bricks sitting on my chest. People put their lives in my hands everyday and I feel that weight. Most of the time I am glad I feel like that; the last thing I want to do is get casual. But other days I think my mind is going to break from thinking and concentrating for 12 hours straight. I really am learning what I am made of and how to persevere.
Speaking of persevering. I have met a variety of families who really understand what it is to persevere way more than my tiny stresses in life. I took care of this family last week who child has cancer and yet I think this mom is the nicest lady I have met. At one point I was in the room setting up some medications on the pump and she was headed downstairs to get something from the cafeteria. She asked her daughter and the grandpa what they needed and then looked at me and said "can I get you anything?"
I honestly was speechless. I was thinking-you have a young child who has a serious life illness, a family at home, and I am sure many many other stresses and you are asking me what you can get for me! I wanted to sit her down at that moment, tell her to relax, and let me get her something!
Can you imagine having that attitude when you have a very young, beautiful, and very sweet child who has a very serious kind of cancer? I honestly think the families with these attitudes must be getting strength from somewhere, something, or someone outside themselves because I don't think we as human beings are be able to cope with an event like this by ourselves.